Karrie’s Blog

I’ve pretty much convinced myself the IUI didn’t work this time. I’m still POAS in the AM and getting a BFN. I’ll try again tomorrow morning for the last time before the blood test. More than that though, I’ve been feeling really moody — irritable and weepy like AF is just around the corner. I had a few little cramps yesterday and today that I tried convincing myself was implantation, but I wasn’t very convincing. I’ve started thinking about the things I’ll want to do this weekend since I won’t have to act like I’m pregnant anymore…like enjoying a cold cut or an alcoholic beverage. Of course if we do get good news I’ll be out shopping, if we don’t I may not leave the bed.

I’ve continued to POAS every morning and gotten nothing but negatives. I know it’s still early, but I’m starting to get really moody which makes me think AF is coming which makes me even moodier because it’ll mean another round of trying yet again.

At my sister’s wedding this weekend my grandfather was asking me about why J and I make so much money and don’t have any kids. I tried to explain to him that it’s not because we don’t want children, it just doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. His answer — I need to quit working. If I quit work and stay home I’ll get pregnant….oh, I wish it were that simple! One of my grandmother’s asked me when the baby was due…maybe she knows something I don’t? These are the joys of those family functions. It’s probably why I try to avoid as many as I can. It’s not that I don’t want to see my family, but it’s difficult because they mean well but I always end up upset.

Looking forward to D-Day (Friday), but if I thought the 2ww was long, Friday is going to drag by waiting for the blood test results.

10 more days of waiting and I think I’m going to go absolutely crazy. I POAS yesterday morning and it was BFN so I know the HCG from the Ovidrel is out of my system. Even though it’s entirely too early for implantation to occur and HCG production to begin I was still bummed to see yet another negative. I’ll continue testing (torturing myself) periodically until the 15th.

The IUI was yesterday morning and everything went well. The Dr said there is normally light cramping, but I should expect a lot of heavy cramping due to the volume they were inserting into my uterus — this was supposed to be good news. The procedure itself wasn’t painful. I laid on the table in the office for a little while after and still was feeling like nothing had happened, checked out at the front desk and still wasn’t feeling anything. But, on the short trip home I really started to feel it. Once we were home I couldn’t even nap to pass the time because I couldn’t find a position where I was comfortable.

Late last night I finally started feeling a little better and can’t believe how well I slept last night. I was exhausted!!!

Today I’ve had some minor pains, but nothing like yesterday. Today seems very similar to the regular side effects of the meds that I’ve been experiencing.

I’m now taking 200mg of Prometrium 2x/day for the next 2 weeks to help sustain a pregnancy if we’re so lucky. On 8/15 I go back to the office for a blood test. If it’s positive (keep your fingers crossed), I’ll do another 6 weeks of the Prometrium. For now, we wait.

Estrogen was 248 today. Ultrasound showed 2 follicles at 20mm + other follicles close behind. Orders were for trigger shot of Ovidrel and intercourse this evening followed up with IUI on Friday!!!

Tomorrow we rest…I’m sooo looking forward to a rest day! Today wasn’t so bad though. The lady doing the ultrasound this morning was insistant she wasn’t going to hurt me (unlike the other one), but my left ovary was hiding again so it was hard to get a good picture of all the follicles. BUT, since they knew I had one that was ready on the right and at least one that was ready on the left the doctor didn’t think it was necessary to put me through any pain to find the rest of them. Thanks doc!

The injection tonight hurt a bit more than the others because the needle was bigger, but the medication didn’t burn and I haven’t felt bad from the medication yet this evening.

J and I also enjoyed a nice dinner at home this evening in celebration of our 11th anniversary. Hard to believe we’ve already been married that long

Estrogen was 189 today. No ultrasound for today. When I got to the dr’s office this morning they didn’t have any power and the power didn’t come back until around 2pm this afternoon. I do go back in the morning for ultrasound and bloodwork again.

I had to do another injection this evening. J was late getting home so I had to actually give myself the injection for the first time. It didn’t go as smooth as I’d have liked, but I got it done and it wasn’t so bad.

I’m hoping tomorrow the follicles will be big enough and we’ll get the word to do the trigger shot tomorrow evening!

Estrogen level was 160 today and the largest follicle was the one on the right @ 15.8mm. Orders were to take another 75iu of Bravelle this evening and go back for ultrasound and bloodwork in the morning.

I’m still hating the injections, but I think I’m getting better at dealing with them each time. I go back tomorrow morning for ultrasound and bloodwork and I’m hoping we had some good growth this weekend.

I came across this excerpt from someone commenting on Shady Grove Fertility “The only big gripe I have with the offices is that they don’t allow you to bring young children because apparently childless women in the waiting room are too distraught by the sight of other people having children. It doesn’t matter how quiet your child is either, they just don’t want to see any. If that much hatred exists for children, whosever children they are, I question whether they should be getting fertility treatment in the first place. I wish Shady Grove could tell them to seek treatment for their own psychological issues. It’s their issues, not ours.”

I wish I could respond and ensure my response would get to this person, but I am one of those people thankful for Shady Grove’s policy to not have children in the office. Unfortunately the office I go to isn’t as strict and although prior to starting treatment everyone is told NOT to bring their children there have been several days I’ve been in the office and people have had their children with them. Why do I appreciate their policy and what they are trying to do? It definitely isn’t hatred of children. It’s a reminder of what you desire with all your being, yet you can’t have. Something you’ve tried to achieve for years, but only been met with failure. Depending on the day I sometimes find myself bitter that these women already have 1 and are being greedy and trying for another when I’ve been trying for 11 years and had no success. Now, if I were them even though I already have a kid, I’ll be going back to Shady Grove for help with another, BUT, I will remember the pain it caused me to see others happy with the life I wished I could have and I’ll remember to find someone else to watch my child for that quick appt.

I went back this morning for an ultrasound and bloodwork. My E2 level was down from last time. The frontrunning follicle was at 12mm, so not much growth since last time. They did find a 9mm follicle on my right ovary. I was a little disappointed with the drop in E2 and the slow growth, but they assured me they want things to go slow and steady and everything is still looking good.

My instructions were to take another injection of Bravelle tonight, tomorrow and Sunday and return Monday morning for ultrasound and bloodwork. I’m not excited about more injections, but at least it’s only 1 a night and I don’t have to go to Rockville this weekend.

I had to order a refill on the Bravelle for the injection on Sunday. Since it was Friday afternoon and I needed it for Sunday they were going to have to charge me $45 for a Saturday delivery. Fortunately for me there was a nice lady that worked at the Pharmacy who volunteered to meet me on her way home with it so I could have it when I needed it and not have to pay the extra fee. I’ve been absolutely amazed by the people we’ve been working with. The doctor’s office, the lab and the pharmacy have all been awesome! Oh, I can’t forget the insurance company! I’ve done the math and without the insurance the prescriptions would run about $100 a day. Every trip to the office for ultrasound and bloodwork $500-$700. Not to mention all the testing that was run, to the tune of several thousand dollars. I have to say I’m very grateful for the great insurance.

On another positive note. I’m handling the side effects of the medication much better now. Maybe it’s because I know what to expect or maybe my body is getting used to it. I’m not sure, but I am happy I don’t feel like utter crap the next day and that I’m not nauseous the entire night after an injection.

I felt pretty good today despite the injection last night. I still wasn’t looking forward to tonight’s injection though.

J was late getting home. Apparently he couldn’t tear himself away from the bike shop early enough to be on time to give me my shot. I thought we had an understanding of what time he should be home, but apparently there was wiggle room. When he finally did get home I had everything ready and was going to try to give the injection to myself, but since he was there I figured he could take care of it. I should have saved the scolding until after the shot. It was kind of dumb to aggravate the person pinching my stomach and sticking needles in it. I ended up ok in the end.

I go back in the morning for another ultrasound and bloodwork. We’re hoping for growth…I just really don’t want to have to go to Rockville this weekend for the IUI. I’m hoping we can wait until at least Monday.

What a crazy day! The ultrasound and bloodwork went well. The cyst I had on the left ovary has dissolved and there were many follicles on the left side, none on the right side. Dr E assured me this was ok, we just wanted to see some action from the drugs. My E2 level was good as well. All of the follicles were around 11mm. They want them to be at least 18mm before the trigger shot, which meant more injections of Bravelle.

She wanted me to use 1 vial (75iu) tonight, 1 vial tomorrow and come back on Friday for another ultrasound and bloodwork.

For the injection this evening I decided to make sure the medication was at room temperature and also use the ice to numb the injection site. The ice numbed it so I didn’t feel the needle go in. This is what I figured it would do, but I was hoping it would help with the burning the medication caused. It didn’t. Numbing the site and making sure the medication was at room temp did nothing!!!

The end of the day is bittersweet. We’re celebrating because we have follicles, but I’m feeling like dookie after the injection and not looking forward to more of the same tomorrow. It’ll all be worth it though…right?

I wasn’t feeling so great earlier today, but am feeling fine now. I’m excited and nervous about tomorrow’s appt. Tomorrow we find out how things are going inside me and what the next steps are.

Best case scenario everything is ready and we’ll do the Ovidrel injection tomorrow evening and the IUI on Friday, but this is highly unlikely.

I’m hoping I won’t be told I need more injections of Bravelle, but I’m guessing I most likely will. I’ll do things a little differently next time in hopes of it not burning as much. I’ll try an ice pack on the injection site before and after to numb the site and also make sure everything is room temperature before injecting it. I think the first injection may have still been a bit cold from being in the refrigerator which may have caused the burning.

Keeping my fingers crossed for good news tomorrow!

I’ve been one moody beeotch today. I think J’s handling it ok, if handling it ok is the equivalent of hiding out downstairs.

The hot flashes are in full swing right now which increase my irritability and my stomach just gurgles all day long. Tonight we did the first Bravelle injection. The needle itself wasn’t so bad, but the medication really burned. Then to put pressure on the site after the injection just made it burn even more. I was shocked it hurt so bad. It almost brought tears to my eyes and made me feel like I was going to pass out. I told J I was going to lay down for a minute. I figured as long as I was laying down I wouldn’t hurt myself if I passed out.

The burning ended pretty quickly and then it just felt tender, like I’d been punched in the stomach or something like that. For now I seem ok, just really tired. I think I’m going to take the rest of my meds for the night, grab some ice cream to celebrate National Ice Cream Month and to treat myself and head to bed shortly.

Saturday night and Sunday morning were far from pleasant. I managed to forget about all the meds I’ve been putting into my system and the additional side effects and things I should be thinking about now that I’m taking them.

After spending most of the day on Saturday playing in the sun I ended up with hives Saturday night because one of the meds makes me more sensitive to sun. I was itchy, but couldn’t take anything to make it any better because I can’t have anything other than tylenol. I finally found this JASON Tea Tree Gel I had around the house which was able to make the hives bearable enough for me to go to sleep.

Then I kept waking up throughout the night with hot flashes, a side effect I had forgotten about from the Clomid. Add to that some really freaky dreams, another side effect of the Clomid and a horrible migraine in the morning and I was not a very happy person.

At least I got a night off from the meds. The injections start tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be the last dose of Clomid and then a day off on Sunday before we start the injections.

I’m starting to get nervous again as we get closer to the next appt. I’m really hoping the appt next week goes well and the meds are doing their job! When I first took the Clomid last year it did make me ovulate, so I guess I should be confident that between the Clomid and Bravelle we’ll at least get a couple good eggs this round.

I keep hearing about other people having good luck, I’m hoping ours is good as well. I’ll just keep trying to relax and keeping my hopes up

I’ve been really tired the last couple of days. Guess it’s my body’s way of forcing me to rest up for the next couple of weeks.

Took the Clomid again and keep thinking about what we have going on just around the corner.

I really hope we’re successful this time. BUT, while I hope we’re successful I’m also worried. I’m worried that we’ll end up having a miscarriage since I’m at a higher risk for it. I’ll have extra progesterone after the IUI to help sustain a pregnancy, but there’s still the chance it won’t work. I’m also worried about the higher chances of having multiples. The drug combo with IUI + a history of multiples in the family I think would raise those odds significantly. Twins or Triplets would be fine, but anything more than that and I think we’d both be pulling our hair out!!

Had the ultrasound and blood drawn early this morning. I was stressed out most of the day because they found another cyst this time on the left side. Last time it was the right side and was producing estrogen. If the one of the left was producing estrogen we wouldn’t be able to continue with the treatments this month. That meant waiting for the results from the bloodwork to come back to find out how the hormone levels looked.

Luckily it was only a few hours, but those few hours were torture. I was ecstatic to get the call from the dr’s office this afternoon that the hormone levels looked good and to go ahead and start the Clomid this evening. In addition to the Metformin I will take the Clomid today through Saturday, then have a day off of meds on Sunday and my first injection of Bravelle (by Jason) on Monday.

I’m a little nervous about my ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow. I guess nervous and excited would sum it up best. I’m excited because we’re starting our first treatment cycle, but nervous something will be wrong and we won’t be able to do it this month which would mean more waiting.

The Metformin I’m taking to help counteract the insulin resistance associated with PCOS has just had my stomach upset for the last month and a half. No great weight loss like I had hoped, but hopefully it’s doing it’s job as far as preparing the important parts of my body for what will be coming up.

During a treatment cycle I’m supposed to treat my body as if I’m already pregnant. This means I’ve been spending a lot of time lately figuring out what foods are allowed and what foods aren’t allowed. I knew the obvious — no smoking, drinking, drugs, meds, etc., but didn’t know about some of the foods that aren’t good. Ever since finding out I have to avoid deli meats, aka cold sandwiches I’ve been craving one…probably because if all goes well I’ll be looking down the barrel of 10 months without a cold cut or my favorite…a turkey club.

J gets to rest up this week. He doesn’t have to poke me with needles or do anything really other than put up with me until next week. Next week though he’ll get to join in on all the fun.

Off to read my book and rest up for the early morning appt. Hope we get good news!!!

Two important lessons I was taught as a child continue to resonate truth throughout my adult life. (1)Life is Unfair, and (2) Everyone Makes Mistakes. As many times as I’ve stumbled through these lessons in my life, they often continue to catch me by surprise.

I believe I’ve done well at managing what has been dealt me, either self-inflicted or out of my control. However, while managing may keep up appearances, it is void of emotion. Acceptance requires dealing with the associated feelings, and I find acceptance to be the most difficult.

Whether constantly asking myself why something would happen or beating myself up over something I’ve done wrong, there are some things I’ve been trying for years to actually accept, but I’ve always been able to manage.